Divorcing Cops Face Unique Challenges

Here's How to Cope

Navigating divorce while maintaining your job is difficult no matter your career, but divorcing police officers face some unique challenges, including co-parenting, talking to co-workers and HR, and for female cops changing their last name.

4 Divorce Mistakes To Avoid

Avoid using your
children as pawns

It's very important to avoid using your kids as pawns in your divorce. I've seen too many people do it & the children are the ones who suffer. Instead do everything in your power to not drag your kids into your marital issues.

Avoid jumping into another
relationship too soon

I've seen this play out too often than not, and the end result is usually not good. With all of the changes going on in your life, avoiding any type of romantic relationship is often the best thing to do for you emotionally.

Avoid acting impulsely

I believe that too many cops are too quick to get a divorce when in actuality the marriage is very much salvageable. My take on divorce is if you want to get a divorce earn your way out first. Turn over every stone, investigate every avenue of rehabilitation before you call it quits.

Avoid Sharing Your Business
on Social Media

While it is normal for you to have conflicting emotions during such a difficult time, sharing everything about your divorce on social media isn't smart. Therefore, avoid saying things that you'll later regret.

How to Help Your Kids Adjust & Cope
with Divorce or Separation

The top 10 Best Ways to Cope
with a Divorce

A breakup or divorce can leave you heartbroken. Since there’s no magic formula to deal with the pain or loss, you should have healthy coping mechanisms in place. But first things first – why are breakups painful? When you split with your partner, you can have unsettling emotions and your world may turn upside down.

A relationship begins with high dreams. When you separate, all the commitments are shattered. This can lead to stress, grief, and disappointments. 

Needless to say, your daily routine is disrupted and may even ruin your identity. This brings several questions to your mind. 

How will life be when I’m alone? Will I find another partner? Can I live without a partner? If you’re going through this difficult time, you should remind yourself there’s hope at the end of the tunnel.

How to cope with a breakup or divorce

 

Take Some Vacation time to heal

Give yourself a break to re-energize, heal, and re-group. And because you’re not superhuman, you may not be as laser focused on your job.

Accept that you have feelings

It’s okay to feel angry and sad. Sometimes, you may feel confused and frustrated. While starting a new relationship may sound frightening, you should know that these feelings are short-term.

Share with family and friends

Don’t let yourself work this journey alone. When you share with close people in your life, you’ll heal faster. If you know other people going through the same problem, you can join their support group. But if you isolate yourself, you could reduce concentration, raise stress levels, or ruin your overall health.

Take time to grieve

If you feel like you’re stuck in a dark place or the emotions are too much to bear, don’t fret. This is part of the healing process. The pain of grief will allow you to forget and move on. First, you should not fight your feelings. You may have conflicting emotions or develop the feeling of resentment/anger. Unless you acknowledge what you’re going through, you’ll prolong the grieving process. Other tips for grieving include:

Be clear of your end goal

Don’t dwell on the negative feelings. Instead, share what you feel with your close friends. If you try to over-analyze the situation, you could develop a feeling of anger. Of course, the feeling of resentment will rob you the valuable energy.

Remind yourself there’s life after the breakup

While a painful divorce may cloud your thinking, you should remind yourself of all the great things in life. Now that the future you’ve envisioned with your partner is no longer an option, you shouldn’t allow your goals to go out the window. With time, new hope will replace the old one.

Avoid quick decisions for the first few months

After a separation or a divorce, it can be tempting to make quick decisions in your life. You should wait until you feel less emotional.

Keep the kids out of it

Mothers may be tempted to tell the kids why the father left- this is not a smart move. When you split with your husband or wife, there’s uncertainty on child support. As a parent, you should reassure your kids that all is well.

Attend to their needs and address them positively. If the children understand the situation, you should sit down together and explain the issue at hand. Instead of expressing your bitterness, you should present a united front. The idea is to create a picture that the kids can continue to live a normal life.

Write/talk about it

During a breakup or divorce, a lot is involved – loneliness, anger, feeling of rejection, etc. You must confront these issues head-on. This is especially true during the early stage of the breakup. Isolating yourself from the rest will only make the situation worse. Apart from talking to family and friends, you should reach out to a therapist to help you evaluate why the relationship didn’t work. If your friends and family know about the divorce, you should make an effort to meet new people. Volunteer in community activities, take a yoga class or join a networking group.

How should you take care of yourself after a breakup or divorce?

Going through a divorce means that you’ll deal with major life changes. The strain may leave you physically and psychologically vulnerable. But you don’t have to let the emotions take toil in your life. One of the most valuable lessons after a break up is taking care of your body. Whenever you feel like you’re at the end of the rope, you can take an organic bubble bath, rent a movie, get a pedicure, etc. While looking best may sound great, it may be a way of punishing yourself. Here are some self-care tips:

Eat healthy food

You should eat nourishing whole foods that are high in protein, fiber, and other nutrients. Also, eat lots of green vegetables, fruits, and stress-busting foods. You don’t have to restrict yourself to calories. Keep the junk away and other foods high in sugar, salt, and fat.

Spend a few hours a day to nurture yourself

Listen to music, go for nature work, get a massage, etc. Come up with a schedule of what you intend to do every day. Also, you should stick to your daily routine. A relationship will disrupt your life but you should try to maintain a sense of normalcy.

Get active

Most therapists recommend that you exercise to get over a divorce or breakup. When you work out, you get your endorphins pumping. For instance, a cardio exercise like running will boost your mood, reduce stress levels, etc. You don’t have to feel bad about yourself. But just like other routines, exercise can become a compulsive behavior. Whether you’re taking yoga classes, early morning jogs, or a cardio workout, you should not over-exercise. It gets better when you’re in a company of friends.

Avoid alcohol and drugs

Sometimes, you may be tempted to use alcohol to relieve the loneliness in your life. This behavior may destroy your health if you overdo it. Try to find better ways to cope with your feelings.

What lessons do you learn after a divorce or breakup?

As you go through the painful moments, this is an opportunity to check what went wrong. You should come from this painful situation knowing that you’re better off. Also, acknowledge the role you played. Simply put, learn from the mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future.

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