Navigating divorce while maintaining your job is difficult no matter your career, but divorcing police officers face some unique challenges, including co-parenting, talking to co-workers and HR, and for female cops changing their last name.
A breakup or divorce can leave you heartbroken. Since there’s no magic formula to deal with the pain or loss, you should have healthy coping mechanisms in place. But first things first – why are breakups painful? When you split with your partner, you can have unsettling emotions and your world may turn upside down.
A relationship begins with high dreams. When you separate, all the commitments are shattered. This can lead to stress, grief, and disappointments.
Needless to say, your daily routine is disrupted and may even ruin your identity. This brings several questions to your mind.
How will life be when I’m alone? Will I find another partner? Can I live without a partner? If you’re going through this difficult time, you should remind yourself there’s hope at the end of the tunnel.
Give yourself a break to re-energize, heal, and re-group. And because you’re not superhuman, you may not be as laser focused on your job.
It’s okay to feel angry and sad. Sometimes, you may feel confused and frustrated. While starting a new relationship may sound frightening, you should know that these feelings are short-term.
Don’t let yourself work this journey alone. When you share with close people in your life, you’ll heal faster. If you know other people going through the same problem, you can join their support group. But if you isolate yourself, you could reduce concentration, raise stress levels, or ruin your overall health.
If you feel like you’re stuck in a dark place or the emotions are too much to bear, don’t fret. This is part of the healing process. The pain of grief will allow you to forget and move on. First, you should not fight your feelings. You may have conflicting emotions or develop the feeling of resentment/anger. Unless you acknowledge what you’re going through, you’ll prolong the grieving process. Other tips for grieving include:
Don’t dwell on the negative feelings. Instead, share what you feel with your close friends. If you try to over-analyze the situation, you could develop a feeling of anger. Of course, the feeling of resentment will rob you the valuable energy.
While a painful divorce may cloud your thinking, you should remind yourself of all the great things in life. Now that the future you’ve envisioned with your partner is no longer an option, you shouldn’t allow your goals to go out the window. With time, new hope will replace the old one.
After a separation or a divorce, it can be tempting to make quick decisions in your life. You should wait until you feel less emotional.
Mothers may be tempted to tell the kids why the father left- this is not a smart move. When you split with your husband or wife, there’s uncertainty on child support. As a parent, you should reassure your kids that all is well.
Attend to their needs and address them positively. If the children understand the situation, you should sit down together and explain the issue at hand. Instead of expressing your bitterness, you should present a united front. The idea is to create a picture that the kids can continue to live a normal life.
During a breakup or divorce, a lot is involved – loneliness, anger, feeling of rejection, etc. You must confront these issues head-on. This is especially true during the early stage of the breakup. Isolating yourself from the rest will only make the situation worse. Apart from talking to family and friends, you should reach out to a therapist to help you evaluate why the relationship didn’t work. If your friends and family know about the divorce, you should make an effort to meet new people. Volunteer in community activities, take a yoga class or join a networking group.
How should you take care of yourself after a breakup or divorce?
Going through a divorce means that you’ll deal with major life changes. The strain may leave you physically and psychologically vulnerable. But you don’t have to let the emotions take toil in your life. One of the most valuable lessons after a break up is taking care of your body. Whenever you feel like you’re at the end of the rope, you can take an organic bubble bath, rent a movie, get a pedicure, etc. While looking best may sound great, it may be a way of punishing yourself. Here are some self-care tips:
You should eat nourishing whole foods that are high in protein, fiber, and other nutrients. Also, eat lots of green vegetables, fruits, and stress-busting foods. You don’t have to restrict yourself to calories. Keep the junk away and other foods high in sugar, salt, and fat.
Listen to music, go for nature work, get a massage, etc. Come up with a schedule of what you intend to do every day. Also, you should stick to your daily routine. A relationship will disrupt your life but you should try to maintain a sense of normalcy.
Most therapists recommend that you exercise to get over a divorce or breakup. When you work out, you get your endorphins pumping. For instance, a cardio exercise like running will boost your mood, reduce stress levels, etc. You don’t have to feel bad about yourself. But just like other routines, exercise can become a compulsive behavior. Whether you’re taking yoga classes, early morning jogs, or a cardio workout, you should not over-exercise. It gets better when you’re in a company of friends.
Sometimes, you may be tempted to use alcohol to relieve the loneliness in your life. This behavior may destroy your health if you overdo it. Try to find better ways to cope with your feelings.
As you go through the painful moments, this is an opportunity to check what went wrong. You should come from this painful situation knowing that you’re better off. Also, acknowledge the role you played. Simply put, learn from the mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future.